The thing about sex work is that you must have high self-esteem and mild to low intelligence or it can swallow you up and spit you out as another person. Web cam work is no exception. In the retelling, it can be funny: I had a Chinese man who would have me tell him that I would never fuck a “Chinaman” because they have small cocks, a white guy who would have me write things on my body about loving black cock, a “daddy” who would blow $150 a call because he clearly had OCD and needed to repeat his “instructions” three times in a row every god damn time. But then there was this:
The guy put a picture of a stunning, naked 18 year old girl on his screen and while I fucked some toy or other he went on about how I am ugly and old by comparison. This was his fetish, this was his dime. He wanted to demean a woman while fucking her. Cam whores step in for the below-average man with these kinds of fetishes. Cruelty like this guy was into knows little fruition in real time. But I smiled while he called me a worthless, old, disguting ugly whore. he paid me to take it. In the by-the-minute world, you tell yourself to drag these calls out as long as possible and make the prick at least pay high. So, working by that credo, I let him drill me on my “worthlessness” and “ugliness” for 30 minutes. I made $70. But it took only that time to rewrite my self-esteem. I paid way more than he did in the end. When that call was through, I put all my gear and whore clothes away in a box and never took another call. That was three years ago and it changed me. Like I said - it spits out a different person. Be careful with sex work kids.